Infinite Recovery prides themselves on their dedication to each person our staff encounters, our commitment to compliance and privacy, and our strong emphasis on clinical and 12 step modalities. For the next several weeks, our Austin rehab team will be sharing their stories and experience around an individual step to share their pain and progress into a recovered lifestyle. We’re beginning our series with Director of Strategic Communications Kyle Infante’s First Step Experience.
Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and drugs, that our lives had become unmanageable.
“I had known for many years I was addicted to drugs and alcohol, but I didn’t understand the powerlessness Step One describes. I began using drugs of abuse at 11 years old and found heroin at 13, so biologically speaking I was certainly rewiring my brain. But it took many years for the gravity of my powerlessness to sink in. It was as I entered my twenties and felt the soul-crushing obsession around heroin that I could truly see it.
I had become a slave to the drugs. The difficult part about getting sober was that I had to make a full admission of surrender to them and stop fighting. I had to completely abandon myself to the fact that I had lost the choice whether or not I would use, the true question became when I would use again. I needed heroin and meth to simply feel normal because without it, my brain swirled with chaos and despair.
The unmanageability piece of Step One is what helped me fully understand the seriousness of the situation. I misunderstood that to mean my circumstances was my unmanageability: the complete waste of my inheritance on drugs, the failed career opportunities, the broken hearts and trail of tears, the arrests, the increasingly serious health problems associated with my drug use. That’s what I was focusing on.
What I didn’t understand was that the unmanageability in Step One is my unmanageable internal condition. I had always believed that I felt so unstable because of the drugs, but I came to realize I felt unstable and then used drugs to calm my mind. I had always felt a sense of discomfort throughout my life, and after finding drugs they became my solution. It was what I honestly felt I needed to get through life. After a time though, even the drugs couldn’t numb the unbearable pain of my internal condition and they stopped working. I had lost my solution.
Through making a complete and honest admission of powerlessness and unmanageability in Step One, I became able to walk through the next 11 steps and commence a completely new way of life. That decade of suffering and realization became the foundation upon which a new life would be built, and each day I’m blown away by the overwhelming sense of peace and satisfaction I experience today because of it.”